polo blue and sloth poo

Instead of writing the usual first paragraph of lazy bloggers that apologizes for “not writing for so long” because of “how busy” I’ve been, I’m going to spare you the crap and go ahead and jump right in to a related (yet actually interesting) topic: sloths.

Sloths are the poster animals for laziness. They move really slowly and spend their entire lives in the trees. They exhibit few behaviors aside from eating, pooping, and mating (doesn’t sound so bad, I know). While they themselves are exceptionally interesting, they really do not possess any exceptional senses. Their eyesight is so-so. Their hearing is “good-enough.” Their sense of smell is existent but not super sensitive. You could say their most extreme qualities are their cuteness and their ability to hang on to stuff.

These solitary animals move so slowly that they rarely encounter each other. After leaving their mothers as babies, they begin to disperse and live by themselves. Adult sloths are spread throughout the jungle, slowly lumbering around in the trees unable to hear, see, or smell other sloths. Which is fine (and even nice, if you are one who prefers sloth bachelor-hood) until it comes time to fulfill that little ole’ purpose for existing. How do sloths find each other when it comes time to procreate?

They have really, really, smelly poo. So smelly that all the animals within a few square miles can smell it. A frisky sloth will slowly make its way towards the smelly, pheromone-laden poo until it encounters the poo or the maker of the poo. And chances are the maker of the poo isn’t that far away from the poo, seeing as they move at the speed of, well, sloths.

Can you imagine having to smell your way to a potential mate by… their poo? Thank goodness humans don’t function like sloths in this regard. I definitely prefer sniffing out Ralph Lauren Polo Blue or Very Sexy For Him 2. Just sayin’.

P.S. I am sorry for being such a sloth of a blogger. From here on out, I promise to write with the determination and motivation of a sloth trying to find another sloth’s poo. Sloth’s honor.